New Years Resolutions

What is the deal with new years resolutions? Where does this tradition come from and what is the point of it? If you're going to make a change to your life, wouldn't you just do it anyway, regardless of the time of year?.

Anyway...

My new years resolutions are as follows:

1. Have more fun (by fun i mean, more good nights out, more possible mistakes that i might regret and taking the piss out of the big issue woman and other members of the zoo that is the "Earth", wherever applicable).
2. Maybe find Mr Write/Right, not so much Mr Right Now....although that sounds like fun!
3. Come out of my shell...even more and discover new things about myself along the way.
4. Find the balance in my life, between work & play. That's my problem i am sh** at multi-tasking, being a gay man with certain female qualities (none of which include breasts, fajita or high-pitched squeels) i thought that multi-tasking would be a strong point, obviously not.
5. Get better grades at college, and become one, once again, with my inner nerd.

What i think is so pointless about making new years resolutions is that i think half of the population make these things and not one of them actually sees them through. I'm not gonna be a hypocrite by saying that i'll fulfill all of the above, but i suppose they're kind of in the wrong context in a way. The things i've wrote there have been my immediate goals for a few years now.

But maybe, in the spirit of christmas & new year i can finally hit at least one of them. These are difficult times though so i'm not going to expect too much from myself. I think the key to goals and happiness is not setting your goals too high, then you won't get disapointed if you don't reach them.

Final Thoughts

• Don't make promises you can't keep.
• Live each day, as if it were your last.
• When having sex, always use a condom.
• If you have crabs, do not shave off all of your pubic hair!
• Don't do drugs.
• Say please and thank you, manners cost nothing.
• Do bitch about people that wind you up, it's a good release, but always be prepared to say whatever you said behind their backs, to their face.
• Don't beat yourself up for things that you said yesterday, there's nothing you can do to change it.

Take care of yourself, and each other...

Dramatic Exit...Stage Left

I'm not sure if i've shared this experience with anybody inside this blog or outside it but i feel that i should share my shame with the rest of the universe. 'The Truth Will Set You Free' and all.

This has to top my most embarrassing moments by far.

A couple of years back i was at my LGBT (that not a sandwich by the way), youth group. That stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual and Transgender. They were giving out personal alarms, some of you may know this part of the story (refer to post 'Thick as Shit'). This was because the police had been in talking about rape and murder becoming more common in young people. Well they handed them out and started talking. I was trying to listen, that night coincidently my exs were congrigating together talking about me in their corners like they usually do, well actually they're usually sh**ing each other in the corner but...back to the point.

Anyway, after they finish talking and ask if we had any questions, one of them pipes up and says something aimed at me, which was not funny. I got angry and said "Well there's one crime that a personal alarm can't help with, and that's having a small penis like you sla*s!"

We'd been sat in a roughly made up circle, with the youth staff sat in a line at the far end near the exit...seriously it was like a blockade of rug munchers and what gaps were there were filled by squashed puffs. For the thick people among you...basically there was all the big, butch lesbians sat at either side of the gay men and they were squashing the gay guys between them. Ok.

The point is i tried to storm off after saying that comment and i tried to squeeze through one of the gaps in the chairs and me being me, got my leg caught between the chair legs and...CRASH. Fell to the floor with only one shoe.....

People think they know embarrassment?! They don't, they have not been me for a day. Some people laughed (the immature ones) and the youth leaders asked me "Are you Ok, Darren?"
Did i look Ok!!?

I didn't go back for three weeks and even then i was remembered for being the bitch with a sharp tongue and only one shoe. Lovely...

Deathtrap

Retail therapy has been taken to a new level people.



Oh yes, you think i mean spending money, VAT reductions or the credit crunch, well think again. Let me tell you that it's not that easy anymore, especially when you get assaulted by trolleys and milk chillers!

Allow me to enlighten you...



I was in Morrison's, me and my mum was minding our own business, shopping for food like you do. Then this woman walks past with a wheelie trolley thing (three wheels!). She's stood looking at the bacon then its like it happened in slow motion, this man with a trolley full of milk, goes past this woman. the next thing i know she's on the floor and he's dragging her along with the trolley, her wheels must have caught in his wheels and pulled her down. Luckily she wasn't seroiusly injured. The worst part of the accident was that he didn't know what had happened, he just carried on walking! It took another member of staff to stop him. Then when he realised what he'd done they all crowded round her in a circle, sounding all worried and phoning for an ambulance, yet the other week another incident happened and well, lets just say that they were less than sympathetic!

I didn't witness this incident, it was my sister. She tells a good story....so much detail!
A woman was doing her shopping, she walked up to the milk chiller, reached inside for a bottle of milk, and......ZAP!

The poor cow was electrocuted and flung to the other end of the aisle. She was laid on the floor...unconscious i might add, and the staff guess what they did! Went to check she if the milk chiller was still working!! What about the woman? An ambulance? A circle of support and worry like before? No. It was like "Fu** you bi*ch, i'm checking the milk. I can sell milk, i can't sell you!" They were just thinking of the profit weren't they?! I'd have sued them.

Can't go anywhere these days. But do you know what i was thinking?

"Where there's blame, there's a claim!"

Anthony the Holiday Guy

This is a good friend of mine, Anthony. I've known him about 2 years now. This is for his benefit, not mine really...i just thought that i'd let everybody know that you're the man Ant! Hope you're having an ace holiday and you better be checking this!!!

Age: 18
Location: Wakefield (currently on holiday)
Sex: Male
Marital Status: Single

I met Ant at college last year and i was a bit iffy about talking to him because he was friends with a right retard! This guy was so annoying, but then i got to know Ant and put that di**head in his place. Which is actually a funny story but frankly i don't have the time to tell you right now.


Messages to Ant

Daz: Hey Ant, Daz here, so how are you then? How's the holiday? I take it you got there OK? How's your mum and your sister? How's the weather? How are the sights? So many questions, hope your time out from city life is going OK and that you're sorting your head out. Can't wait to see you and catch up, don't forget my present!

Jade says: Hope you're cellotape didn't come off your mp3 player and survived the flight. She also said that she hopes it is raining and cold, and you're having to wear a wolly jumper.

Grace and Kieron says: That they hope you're having a good time, but wish you were here to fail miserably with the rest of us.

I haven't asked Mick and Ami but i'm assuming that they'll be thinking similar things, if i remember i'll ask them and update the page. Kevin and Mark are well angry with you but i won't spoil your holiday by telling you that in any detail.

Final Thoughts

We miss you lots and lots.

Anti-Christmas

Does anybody else see the inevitable pointlessness of christmas tradition?

Ok when i was like 8,9,10,11 etc...i was interested in it. Presents, christmas trees, getting up at 5'o'clock christmas morning, christmas stockings. Ahhh how pointless that is now though.

Maybe i'm just not in the mood because as i've said before i'm absolutely broke. I hate it but it's true. Do you know what i hate? All these people that say stuff like, its about being a christian and the spirit of the lord our saviour. I'm not against religion (well maybe a little...) but they started it!

I'm sorry but if their lord was so great then why hasn't he saved me and everybody else? Why hasn't he saved animals from polution? Why has he stopped Woolworths from doing a singles chart (now you have to go to HMV)? Why has he given people genetic diseases like that women with the giant legs and that man with the swollen face? Why does he have a biography (the bible) that everybody apparently should have read at least once?!

If christmas is a christian tradition, why does the UK fu**ing celebrate it? ASBO's, rape, gun crime, muderers. They're not christians are they!? The lord is not about to save them or is he? I don't know how he works. But then again i'm not a believer.

I just don't see the relevance of it all. I'm not christian so why put yourself through it. If i had money i would force myself however....

The Guy from Boots

I went shopping with my mum and my sister on Saturday. We went around some shops, they were spending money, i was laughing at the big issue women and the retards of Wakefield.

We went into Boots (upstairs). I thought i'd gone to heaven. This guy behind the counter was so my type, tall, dark hair, nice bit of facial hair, brown eyes. But the most amazing thing ever was that he was the first guy that i found attractive and was drawn to in the longest time ever. I could not take my eyes off the guy, he was like a god or something.

I was awestruck, my sister went up to the counter and paid for her things. Something happened that never happens to me. I was blushing, my cheeks were literally on fire (that seems to happen a lot lately though, not sure if it is related or not) and i was....SHY. I could hardly speak, the most annoying thing was that he kept looking at me before we got to the counter and i got the impression that he was trying to make coversation. Well i was stuttering and mumbling. Generally making a tit of myself...

I need to get a grip on situations like that. I think it was because i wasn't expecting an amazing specimen like him to be in a place like that.

Hormones, i blame hormones!!

Fear of Loss

Hi Blog. I'm writing this to you because i don't know who else to talk to, if anybody else is reading this then thanks.

Those of you who've lost people close to you. What does that feel like? I can't imagine losing somebody that i love. People say that life goes on but i can't imagine my life without my mum or my sister or even a lot of my friends. Everybody around me makes up my entire world/life. If that were taken away it would be like being alone in a strange place. I'm lucky, nobody i care about has died but i see people on the news and on T.V, who are paralysed by their grief, they can't eat, they can't sleep, they cry and get angry all the time, they shut down and don't speak at all or kill themselves. I'm not sure i could go through that.

Losing my mum for instance, she's always been there for me, supported me, been my mum and my best friend, she educated me when i couldn't face school. What would i do if the worst were to happen, i would be lost and alone with nobody. I mean, sure i've got my sister but she has her own life and kids, and my dad would be there because he'd feel guilty leaving my sister alone. But who have i got that cares about me, that would be there for me. I don't...is the answer.

I've been thinking about this for so long now and i feel that i really need to prepare for my adult life, where i have to fully stand on my own two feet. That is a scary thought...when in so many ways i'm not ready to do that.

I'm not in a rush to leave home, i think that growing up should be a slow process. In the past i had to grow up quick and that's why i want to things the right way now. My mum is always saying to me that i should make the most of my life, i believe that in the circumstances i'm in, i'm doing what i can in that department.

All i do know is that i have to find my own path in life, not follow somebody else's which a few people i know are doing as i speak.

Dude, Where's my Hair!

Yesterday was awful, part of me wants to get revenge part of me wants to wear a wig!

Right so yesterday i went for my hair cutting, i hadn't had it done in months so i thought i'd have it done before college, save time and all that sh**. I went to the hairdressers that i usually go to, i go there because the last place i went to was a dive hole, full of average hairdressers who looked as though they cut their own hair (tramps...). So i walked past the hairdressers and saw that it was really full, and people were literally queueing out of the doorway. I thought about waiting but i didn't have much time so i decided (don't ask me why) that i'd go back to the hairdressers i used to go to. I wasn't too fussed i just wanted my mop cutting off plus it costs less there! So i go in and there's one man waiting. Not being funny or anything...well maybe a little, but he didn't have that much hair, so she calls him over to the chair. He sits down. She says "What can i do for you, my love?". I felt like jumping up and saying "Not a lot, love with your limited training and his lack of hair but whatever, i'm not one to judge!"

Anyway so he says to her "Number one, all over!". I could have pissed myself, paying £3 for a few centimetres of hair taking off, pointless really! What was the most stupid thing ever was he gave her a tip.... Why would you do that when she didn't do anything he couldn't have done himself! Wakefield is a zoo, i tell you, a zoo!

So she calls me over, asks me what i want, i told her i wanted a number 4 on the back and the sides and then a trim on the top.

The first bit went fine, i think she can just about manage a shaver. Then it came to the cut, i thought "bloody hell!". She picked up the scissors....and she fu**ing dropped them didn't she! It doesn't inspire you with confidence when the so-called hairdresser, drops the fu**ing scissors does it? Part of me wanted to run the other part was thinking "Hmm, well it can't get much worse!" How wrong was I! She got my hair in her fingers and she said "This much off top?" which looked fine to me, then she took the amount off i'd agreed to and carried on cutting!!!

She got the mirror and showed me, i was nice to her, it's not her fault that she's a half wit, daughter of a whore with no ability at cutting hair! I paid her and her cheek carried on by her asking "£4, £4??" (the haircut was £3, not £4!) i said "No, £3 love".

If looks could kill! So i got my coat and left before she had chance to get the scissors again!

What a bitch!

Penis Game

Ok folks.

I've got a really good game we can play, right.

Here's how it works, you think of a film title or T.V show and you replace one of the words with "Penis".

A few examples are:

1. My Best Friend's Penis (My Best Friend's Wedding)
2. Return of the Penis (Return of the Jedi)
3. Saving Private Penis (Saving Private Ryan)
4. The Devil's Penis (The Devil's Rejects)

You get the idea. Think of some good ones and leave a comment.

Bye for now.

Cosmetic Procedures

I get the world we live in is superficial but is there any need for all these procedures to make ourselves look like a reject from the Chucky films?!

My self-esteem would have to be at rock bottom before i went under-the-knife i tell you. Have you seen the stuff they do to you while you're asleep....no i wasn't meaning the procedure, i was talking about the abuse!

All these girls going for nose jobs, the surgeons aren't stupid they know that these procedures take hours, for the ones that are too ugly to be helped they don't bother too much. They just put them to sleep and hit them on the hooter (nose) with a sledgehammer. Bang! It's finished.

Poor girl wakes up a few hours after, what happened to my nose. It's part of the procedure dear, I thought you wanted a smaller nose, now you have an inverted one, all the lumps have gone!

Oh another one that is disgusting! That botox, all these stars are getting botox injections to smooth out their wrinkles, cream isn't enough anymore! To me that isn't really helping......as you can't feel, or move your face muscles. What is the fu**ing point!? You can't show emotion, you look like a friggin zombie!

Breast implants (a plus for the straight male readers. A minus for me), it's fu**ing disgusting! Cutting your tits open to shove some breast shaped silicone...thing, stuffed in them. A cheaper and less painful method is to just get a push up bra or stuff your old bra with some cushion material...or a sock or two. Don't say i didn't try to help!

Have you heard of these butt implants?!
You can now get a perfect J-Lo. But if you ask me then if it's a J-Lo you're offering then you can, kiss my ar*e. Have you seen how fat her butt is. You may as well just enter the world addition of the cake eating contest and save the money.

What worries me is what they put in these implants. What "if", they couldn't find any silicone and filled it with some flamable liquid by accident. If you farted or came down too hard on your ar*e it could explode!!

Think of the mess people!

Is it just me that is worried!

The Way

Does anybody know exactly where they want to end up in life?

I used to know what i wanted and needed from life. When i had just started college when i was 16 i was so sure i knew where i was heading. Now i'm not so sure things just seem to have changed somehow, i don't know if its me or if its circumstances that have changed me. The key word in all of this is "change". All of me is different from when i was younger, i never wanted to be different from what i was, i liked me then, i'm not sure about now. I think i'm a good person, but it irratates the hell out of me when people say stuff like "Darren, you're a nice lad" or "Darren, you're a well-rounded person". I have flaws like everybody else. It's not that i don't want to believe the same thing but people don't know me like i know myself.

I'm not sure what's wrong me, people i know would kill to have that sort of compliments thrown at them, but...not me.

All i want is a boyfriend, who is on the same page as me but until i get off this page i don't think that's going to happen. Nobody wants a screw up, i suppose i'm not a complete trainwreck, there are worse people than me, much worse people.

Bottom line. I suppose i'm not going to get anywhere until i make a decision about what i want out of life and my future.

Thick as Sh**!

When i was 15 i went to this youth group and the police came in to talk to us and handed out rape alarms right. They were there about a hour to advise us on how to remain safe. Stay in well lit areas and wherever possible, travel in groups of two or three...that sort of shit.

After they left we were trying them out and that. The youth group leader comes over to me and my friends and says "All you need to know really is, if you're getting raped then just get your alarm and hold to their ear whilst you're turning it on."

I'm no expert but i think that you don't have many options in that situation, the last thing you're going to be thinking of is getting the alarm close to their ear.

What you supposed to say? "Can you just stop a minute while i get my personal alarm out?!"
Come on give me some credit.

Seriously though this woman, she's a lesbian, with sensible shoes and everything...
Not that that's an excuse really, you don't see me saying stupid sh** like that do you?

Wait don't answer that...

Talent

A bit of recent news crossed with my sharp tongue now folks. This deserves to be in my blog right now, it is something that is so damn annoying. The girl below, for those who don't know, is Laura White from the X Factor on ITV, Saturday evening. She is an amazing singer who was in the "sing off" with Ruth. Neither of them deserved to be there, i don't know what is wrong with the British Voting Public, they need their heads sorting out. They put two of the best singers in the "sing off" and then, this is the worst part, save "Daniel", a 700 year old man who can barely sing he shouldn't even be allowed to sing on the street, let alone on X Factor. If that's the X Factor then i may as well just kill myself now.

















Good god. If you look below this text you can see a picture of the cu**! I think the public are voting for him because they feel sorry for him, they are soooo tight, Laura wouldn't have gone if they'd have voted based on "Talent"! But no they're a sucker for a sad story...so am I but they could do that in their own time and back off X Factor. Voting out Laura was the biggest mistake ever....I hope they're happy with themselves.























P.S look to the bottom of the screen for some muscle meatiness!

This is Austin Drage. He was an X Factor Finalist too, just thought you might like that!

Conclusion... to Confrontation

Well readers as you know i had a bit of a bitch yesterday and went to town on a certain person.

Some will be happy...some will be sad to hear that.....it's over!

After writing the post yesterday entitled "The Puppet Master". I decided that i would say all of what i thought to his face, prove that i'm not the coward that he thought i was. I did the adult thing and talked outside. Words were said, i said my peace...he didn't really say much but he apologised which i suppose is good. It's not like we'll ever be best mates but i've known that from day one and i think that yesterday i made that clear. What strikes me as annoying about all of this is the fact that one person thought that i'd fallen out with them just because i was ignoring the person above. Anyway, 9/10 times it's me that has to speak to them before i hear a word out of them. So i don't know what the beef is with this person but anyway i'm not budging, i will not say another word to that person until they speak to me first.

Enough about that though, it really is true what they (whoever "they" are) say.

"The Truth Will Set You Free" and believe me i told the truth, that's how its always going to be from now on. Explicit truth to people's face, if they're wrong i'll tell them.

"The Puppet Master"

Two things i hate. Bullies and Controlling People.

Firstly, i have not fallen out with anybody, i am still friends with everybody, apart from the person below.

The reason i've entitled the post "The Puppet Master", is because this person controls everyone in this particular circle of friends, except me because i'm blanking him! Lunch break revolves around him, wherever he wants to go and what he wants to do we have to follow. The followers are completely oblivious to the fact that they're being conditioned. I haven't fallen out with these people, it's not their fault, they believe that they're his equal and maybe inside the circle they are. I was never valued, just exploited and used for what "The Puppet Master" wanted. But no more, i've said enough and i mean it. I didn't want things to get this way but after control is taken away, control freaks have to get it back in any way they can...or try to. This is usually done by verbal/physical bullying or in subtle ways (a favourite to our control freak here) like text abuse or cyber bullying. He complains that i bitch and talk behind his back, but if you ask me that is double standards as he has done the same. The difference between me and him is that i have never said anything behind his back, that i wouldn't say to his face.

I'm not interested in any of the point scoring, it is irrelevant and doesn't achieve anything. The bottom line is that i'm not a coward and i intend to say this to "The Puppet Master's" face.

Dates

It's so sad you know. I haven't been on an official date for an entire year now.

I need to seriously look at my life and work out where i'm going. I need to spread my wings and find new people to go out with because i'm going crazy. I suppose the people i'm mixing with at the moment aren't that loyal to me, and a lot of them are tarts really. I just want to find new people i can mingle with, people i have things in common with that are gay like me.

The only problem with going to gay bars and clubs is that they are full of people looking for a one night stand and i'm not into that anymore.

I'm not sure where it's going to all end. Things in my life aren't exactly stable. I have so many things just floating round my head.

What i love about dates though is the whole like feeling something new is beginning. Most of the time it isn't, its actually ending but what can you do if you don't hit it off.

And i like moment before you go home there's that feeling of "should i kiss them?" Going behind the back of a taxi rank......good times.

I remember one time i went on a date and i was at college for my first year (back when i was 16) i could not concentrate on my work the next day, my date had gone really well and just could not stay focused on anything. I ended up wagging college because of that! What can you do though!?

Anyway i remember using like a week's ema on credit for this one person. He turned out to be a right bas**** but it was good while it lasted.

Taste in Music

I'm going to give you an insight into my taste in music.

People have asked me what music i like well here goes.

I like mostly ballads (slow songs), the sadder the better. I'm a sucker for the power ballads.

Whitney Housten - I Will Always Love You
Mariah Carey - Without You, Hero, We Belong Together
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
Spice Girls - Goodbye
Roxette - It Must've Been Love
Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
the list is endless...

"I Will Always Love You" for example. I just love that song as it reminds me of my first love. Ok so it was only a one and a half month relationship but that's the time that we were "lovers". I'd known him for a year and a few months (roughly). The song has such a good meaning behind it, it makes me cry actually, i listened to it non-stop after we split up. It means obviously that you'll always love that person, but its saying that no matter who else comes along, you'll always love that person. I can relate, your first love especially never goes away and he will always be a part of me. Despite all the pain he put me through. More on him in later posts...

I'm not entirely emo though. I love dance/trance/house music when i'm out, i like mild rock sort of stuff, most pop music and some classic songs.

I'm a huge, Pink fan. I think she's awesome. She hasn't really had a bad track and it would be a dream come true to see her in concert which i hope to do one day.

So there you have it, you know my taste in music.

I Take it Back

In a previous post a put that i thought i like girls too...i've changed my mind.

I think i was just in a weird place. I did something i never thought i'd do and try to be and make myself believe that i'm something i'm not. I think sub-consciously i was trying to fit in with a crowd of straight lads (you know who you are), who's lives i will never be a part of and i will never rank high enough to be. At the end of the day i'm just the "gay guy at college", nothing more. Once i leave college they forget i exist. That's becoming blatantly obvious...

I suppose i twisted the truth a little (which i know, is wrong), just because i wasn't having much luck with the guys. Twisting the truth? Well that's slightly inaccurate, i did wonder what it would be like to be "normal" and be with a girl, but i'll always be different and i don't think that its a bad thing. The guys i mix with either just want to sleep with me and that's all (which is great),or they are straight. What a dilemma! I'm never lucky in love. I always get with the guys who treat me like sh** (not anymore) or i spend my days being miserable that the guys i fancy are straight.

It's funny you know, sometimes you know something is true but it takes you ages to admit it to yourself. I'm beginning to work out who my real friends are though and i'm disappointed to find that they aren't the ones i first thought.

So i take it back...

I'm not bi, i'm gay. End of.

Alan Carr Obsession Volume 3

Readers and friends will be happy to know that i'm no longer going to be quoting Alan Carr.

Over the past month or so there have been so many good laughs because of that guy but all good things must come to an end. One thing that not just you but Alan Carr can take from this...tragedy, is that whenever i see my next door but ten neighbour Karen, coming back from the shop with her two dozen cans of Skol. I will always think of Alan Carr's stand-up comedy at the Toothfairy and how much it has made me laugh... and cry laughing.

Thank you and goodnight.

X

Split my Jeans

Saturday i was on the bus yeah and i was, you know listening to my MP3 player minding my own business, sat on the back seat (as you do), rang the bell to get off the bus and guess what happened!

Yep that's right people, my jeans split, right up the arse crack.

What the f*** are you supposed to do when that happens?!

I could of died...the worst part of the story is the bus was packed, and the ripping, it wasn't silent either. You could hear the material ripping. It was like one of them ice breakers, or something... So anyway its a good job i was wearing a hoodie, i slipped it off and tied it round my waist in a flash. I had to go all round town like that! Blistering gales... people are looking at me because i'm there with my hoodie tied round my waist, waltzing through Wakey like its summer. I felt like the tarts you see up town with hardly any clothes on. I considered saying to them "Don't you just love this icy fresh air?" But me being sooo tolerant, i didn't say a thing. I was nearly the colour of a smurf, i was that cold. At one point i felt like saying to hell with it and just putting my top back on, arse crack out and everything. Well it wasn't litterally out, i had pants on, not boxers, but pants, hey don't judge me... it was laundry day.

This isn't the first time its happened either. It happened once when i was in the park, on the swing, them tire swings are deadly i tell you. One minute your fine the next minute you're not.

Ah isn't life just filled with embarrassing little accidents.

Noisy Neighbours

Have you got neighbours that are noisy and disruptive?

My next door neighbours, the women in them houses, i don't know what is going on with them and their husbands. I can hear them through the walls shouting at each other, last Saturday they were having a slanging match. Some of the language they use was unreal, they called each other names that i'd never heard of! Talk about you getting more irratable as you get old. The worse thing was it wasn't the wife i felt sorry for, (Anne i think her name is) it was her husband. I think she hits him around. I don't know whether its because she has an anger management problem or because he's ginger...

I don't know whats worse hearing them talk dirty to each other in an abusive capacity or when you can hear them talking dirty amongst her moaning and groaning in the bedroom.

Its minging honestly!

Then she gets on the bus with me and my mum the next morning. I'm like "Hi!". My mum and her start talking and there's me there cringing. Trying to mentally scrub my imagination with sheet of sandpaper.

Then on the other side i've got this other woman with like three teenager daughters (mingers i might add), i don't know if the man of their house is their real dad. But they all get their friends round, having garden parties at 2am. Drinking, shouting and you're trying to get to sleep.

I'm dreading bonfire night that's all i can say, oh well at least the noisy bitch on heat next door might drown out their shouting.

Breaking Up

Breaking up is never easy i know but I have to go...

Stop quoting ABBA Darren.

Lets face it that breaking up was never going to be easy. I have been around the block, sort of, and i think that most of the experiences i've had have been soooo shity. As i wrote before some of my exs are total freaks (i was too young lol) so i ended up dumping them, call me harsh but c'mon you try spending the night with them and then get back to me. You'll see that what i said and did to get rid of them was justifiable.

Anyway what i'm trying to say is. Why do we put ourselves through all that!? If we wanted a shag we could either:

A: use your hand. Its free, it doesn't talk back and you can do whatever you want with it without getting it drunk.

B: pay for it. Morally wrong in so many ways, including risks to health but hey who am i to judge.

C: there's so many slags out there so why not go round the bars and clubs and pick up a tart or two. It's easily done...

Second before bottom line. Relationships are hard work, i think just about everybody reading this can relate to that. If not, apologies, maybe you should get on the horse, so to speak. Seriously though, after a relationship after bad relationship, it gets tiring. Constantly having to watch what you say and do, the other person's family, not being able to go anywhere by yourself. I don't know about you but i find it life sucking when i'm surrounded like that.

As far as i can see relationships only work when you're both on the same page, you both have lives away from each other and one together and you understand each other. If you're not then it won't work.

Bottom line. Don't get me wrong i like being in a relatioship and i'm a sucker for a kind word and a cozy night in. After all doesn't everybody want to be somebody's special someone, i know i do. All i'm saying is that things don't go the way you want them to and the whole game is unfair.

Fat Tutors

Please note: For security purposes i have changed the names in the following item of text, thank you.

I love college, there's always something you can laugh at.

Today has been so good, in a lesson, our tutor wasn't there...for the second time this month, and we had to take notes on pages 19-21, whoop whoop...NOT!

The other tutor that we have once a week tried spinning us a line by saying "she's in hospital.".
Bullshit, that's what i say.
I'll tell you what where she was, she was in Greggs!

Either that or she got stuck in the refrigerator, whilst reaching for a chicken drumstick!
"Libby" is still holding onto her skirt trying to get her out.
The fire brigade were called eventually.
They're still trying to figure out how best to get her out without injuring themselves.

No i like her though...its just a shame that we never see her.

I'm sure in the end she'll be fine and come out of that fridge unharmed.

On the plus side she does get really hot quickly, and if that happens she cancels lesson and lets you out early. What i'm going to do in future is bring in one of them heated fans and put it under the desk pointing towards her. That should do it!

Anyway if anything else should happen in the meantime I'll let you all know.

Lovers!

As i mentioned earlier i'm on detox.

Two, three four men...disgusting isn't it madam! I know i am lol.

The point i'm trying to make is that i'm human too. I have wants. I have needs. The only problem is it got out of hand.

I'm 18 so i'm still learning, they say life is a learning curve.
Hmmm well i've learnt a lot. One thing i have learnt is that relationships as a whole are hard work and you have to be in the right place within to make them work.
Personally they drive me crazy. This one guy i was with was became obsessed with my mum, this was because he didn't have a good relationship with his own mum. Anyway he would ask me stuff about her at the most embarrassing, awkward (and when i say awkward, use your imagination) moments. I ended up dumping him because of that. We don't really speak now he hates me, and i absolutely despise him. No though, seriously you would have done the same. The funny part is he wasn't upset that i dumped him (this is what his friend told me a week after we split), it was the fact that he wouldn't get to see my mum anymore....the pathetic child!

He had a problem downstairs as well....
Basically he got so excited he couldn't wait to release...if you get me.
It happened pre-maturely. Eww!

Final Thoughts: Don't go out with somebody with physical and psychological problems!

Identity...

I'll start at the beginning.

Basically, I'm gay and i think.... i always have been. I believe it is something you're born with and something you can't turn on and off. I've been out to my family since i was 12-13 years old. It took a lot but it was worth it. Those who know me from college probably had no idea if you've not known me long. The reason being is that i didn't tell you. I didn't say anything because i wanted you to get to know the real me before i said anything. Often when i tell people straight away they judge me based on my sexuality, it's a mistake i've made before and one i didn't want to make again. I hope this doesn't change the way you see me because i'm still the same person.

I wanted to write this so i could talk more openly in the future without worrying whether you'll find out in the worse way possible, in front of a class full of people. That would be a nightmare. Michael, Ant, Patrick, Ami, Lisa, Grace and Kieron in my IT class know. "hi guys!". One or too from my Sociology class know as well and of course the tutors do also.

Besides that lately i feel i have sort of.....semi-converted to liking girls as well, but that's still new to me and i still like boys a bit more than girls.

Its hard for me because i'm not sure where it's come from really. I'm not sure i like it either because i never really understood or accepted bisexual people. I don't like labelling myself either so i'm not any of those things...i'm just me ok.

Anyway that's that cleared up.
See you later.

Prudish People

Do you ever just wanna punch somebody!?

OMG there are so many people around that are scared of an adult conversation.
Girls that practically have a heartattack when you talk about "that topic". You know the one i'm talking about, you're with the lads and you get a little honest about your life. Then you start talking about your manhood, size, how many times a day you.....(blank). That sort of thing. Boys that get scared and go red if you mention anything naughty. Seriously though i can't believe how many people have such an issue about talking honestly. I wouldn't mind if they didn't want to talk about it, if i was talking to them about it but i wasn't.

In my life no subject is taboo. There's never been a limit to the amount of things that i'll talk about with friends. I'm an open kind of guy, in every sense possible.

Life is too short to worry about what you're saying all the time.

Maybe its the way people are raised or something, my mum has always encouraged me to speak my mind and to stand up for myself and those i care about. These people aren't going to force their shame on me.

Who's with me!

Alan Carr Obsession Volume 2

This is not going well i tell you. I'm beginning to understand why people suffer from alcoholism and drug abuse....but they've never heard of the "ism" i'm suffering from i tell you!

It's called "Alanism". I'm trying to crack the habit but i'm dying to quote him. This doesn't count by the way. I have to be careful there's people monitoring my behaviour.

Seriously, i'm beginning to wish i'd never heard of this guy, you know when you've done something you regret and you wish you could forget it?
It's like that.

Today has been the hardest day to cope with..."The Make Me Say Something About Alan Carr Police". They've been out in full force today, quoting him, trying to make me correct them when they get it wrong. I've been strung up, lashed with a cane.....tortured in McDonalds whilst eating a Big Mac Meal. They've been brutal! They aren't helping the situation but my resolve is strong and i'll get through this.

I'll keep you posted on this topic, i think its going to occur frequently...believe me.

Thank you for your support in this difficult hour, i just pray they don't resort to shock tactics!

P.S - if i don't post for a few weeks it's because i've died from withdrawal symptoms...ok thanks.

The Stigma That is Primark!

What is it with people and Primark?!

If you buy clothes from Primark, you get shit on. You get people saying shit stuff to you about the way you're dressed. What's up with Primark? It's a cheap shop, £4 for a T-Shirt, £11 for jeans, tanktops like £8 what's up with that. Fair enough if i had shit loads of cash i would go to like Topman and Monkey but you know what i'm not rich and neither is my family so....eat dirt all you haters of Primark!!!!!!!

Its ok for girls to shop there isn't it! But no if a guy goes in and buys some jeans, then sees somebody he knows then its like "Ohhhh new jeans?", say yeah and they're like "Hahahaha!".

What a set of $£%&*£s!

Alan Carr Obsession Volume 1

I can't believe myself i think i'm going psychotic or something. I just keep replaying what he says. I know its really quite sad and i think people in general are starting to get pissed off about it but i just think that it's ace. I get that i should just stop talking about it. Its really hard to let go of though. Few things in life make me that happy and i want to hang on to it.

It doesn't help when people keep reminding me of it (mentioning no names lol...). But i do have a neighbour called "Karen" and she is an alcoholic which may make things difficult to forget.

Then she has the cheek to spread rumours about me to other people on my crescent.

Anyway i'm going to seriously try to kick my bad habit. Nothing else i can do apart from that. Apart from going to see a shrink. Which i aint doing! Had that most of my life...not going down that road again!!

More soon!

Sugar Friend

Ever had a sugar daddy before???

Well now there's a new sugar in town. It's called the "Sugar Friend". You might be wondering how this works exactly, well...

With a sugar daddy you have to sleep with to get them to buy you things...a sugar friend is somebody who wants to sleep with you. This is what you use to your advantage. You flirt with them, you're nice to them....but you never sleep with them. That breaks the whole purpose really doesn't it!

I don't know what you're thinking about this but i can tell you, it has its perks. A free taxi, somebody to boost your ego by giving you compliments and they also send you money if you spin them a story.

No, seriously though, they're hard to come by but they're the latest craze in my world.

Keep a look out for an admirer and give them your number. They'll be eating out of your hand in no time.

Enjoy!

College and School

I've been at college two years now studying IT. This year is my third year at college (level 3) and i'm doing an A/S level in Sociology, which i'm enjoying throughly, it's a nice change form technology all the time. College is probably my second home, as i'm always here hehe. I'm loving my time here, it has helped me in so many ways. I don't think that i'd be anything like i am now without going to college. I'd probably be some lowlife tramp drinking whisky behind the bus station, shouting foul language at people that passed by but now i feel like i'm actually getting somewhere with my life. I didn't enjoy school and i left early because of the sh**s that bullied me. I'm not going to just sit here and blame it all on them because in some ways it was my fault. If i'd have been tougher they'd have backed off.

What hurts the most though is not being there long enough to do any of my GCSE's, the one thing that people take for granted. If i'd have had my GCSE's i don't think that i'd be here, i'd have probably gone to university already but you know what.....

I am proud of who and what i am! Besides who wants to follow the croud. The boredom would kill me i think. As i said before i don't take crap anymore, not from anybody. If i have something to say i'm going to say it. So its not like bullying is going to stop me from achieving at college.

I try not to dwell on things, and i believe that i've moved on from all that.

I'm not worried to be honest, i know what i'm doing, i'm a smart lad i'll find my way eventually. I got the best mark in the class last year (level 2), distinction* overall, which i would say, so far, is my best achievement.

I'm looking to better myself though this year as it's my semi-final year at college and i intend to do it!!

Profile

Name: Darren
Age: 18

Hi i'm Darren, if you're smart enough to read about me then well done. I'm living in Wakefield Area and I'm studying at college.

I'm a good hearted kind of guy, who is often misunderstood by people and judged based on how they see me. Which is a bit of a fu**ing liberty really. Over the next few years i'm going to be as explicit as possible about me, my life and how i see the world. I don't belive in sugar coating the world! So deal with it lol.

I'm told by my tutors that i'm a well rounded person, with a good head on my shoulders......I can't say i disagree really. I'm not up my own a** or anything but i just like who i am.

See you soon...toodles

X