Birthday Blues

Some of you may know this already but it's my birthday soon!

I'll be 19, and its going to be a flop, i just know it. I'm sure that there's something wrong with me! Whenever it gets to that time of year i always end up not doing anything particularly memorable...and that, at my age, is sad. Why i can't be like the average teenager is beyond me, i'm so developed in some ways, yet in others i'm a freak and a retard.

What do i do though when all of my circumstances such as no job and being so popular, yet at the same time, a loner?! I just can't plan my birthday like other people do, i was talking to somebody yesterday and he was saying to me that i should be more organised and plan it 3 months before. How?! With what?! Who with?!

I just want to scream sometimes, it winds me up. Why do i have to be in such a state?

I walk around preaching to other people and givin them advice but the second i need the advice, i fail myself. Nobody understands how i feel.