Fear of Loss

Hi Blog. I'm writing this to you because i don't know who else to talk to, if anybody else is reading this then thanks.

Those of you who've lost people close to you. What does that feel like? I can't imagine losing somebody that i love. People say that life goes on but i can't imagine my life without my mum or my sister or even a lot of my friends. Everybody around me makes up my entire world/life. If that were taken away it would be like being alone in a strange place. I'm lucky, nobody i care about has died but i see people on the news and on T.V, who are paralysed by their grief, they can't eat, they can't sleep, they cry and get angry all the time, they shut down and don't speak at all or kill themselves. I'm not sure i could go through that.

Losing my mum for instance, she's always been there for me, supported me, been my mum and my best friend, she educated me when i couldn't face school. What would i do if the worst were to happen, i would be lost and alone with nobody. I mean, sure i've got my sister but she has her own life and kids, and my dad would be there because he'd feel guilty leaving my sister alone. But who have i got that cares about me, that would be there for me. I don't...is the answer.

I've been thinking about this for so long now and i feel that i really need to prepare for my adult life, where i have to fully stand on my own two feet. That is a scary thought...when in so many ways i'm not ready to do that.

I'm not in a rush to leave home, i think that growing up should be a slow process. In the past i had to grow up quick and that's why i want to things the right way now. My mum is always saying to me that i should make the most of my life, i believe that in the circumstances i'm in, i'm doing what i can in that department.

All i do know is that i have to find my own path in life, not follow somebody else's which a few people i know are doing as i speak.