Dates

It's so sad you know. I haven't been on an official date for an entire year now.

I need to seriously look at my life and work out where i'm going. I need to spread my wings and find new people to go out with because i'm going crazy. I suppose the people i'm mixing with at the moment aren't that loyal to me, and a lot of them are tarts really. I just want to find new people i can mingle with, people i have things in common with that are gay like me.

The only problem with going to gay bars and clubs is that they are full of people looking for a one night stand and i'm not into that anymore.

I'm not sure where it's going to all end. Things in my life aren't exactly stable. I have so many things just floating round my head.

What i love about dates though is the whole like feeling something new is beginning. Most of the time it isn't, its actually ending but what can you do if you don't hit it off.

And i like moment before you go home there's that feeling of "should i kiss them?" Going behind the back of a taxi rank......good times.

I remember one time i went on a date and i was at college for my first year (back when i was 16) i could not concentrate on my work the next day, my date had gone really well and just could not stay focused on anything. I ended up wagging college because of that! What can you do though!?

Anyway i remember using like a week's ema on credit for this one person. He turned out to be a right bas**** but it was good while it lasted.

Taste in Music

I'm going to give you an insight into my taste in music.

People have asked me what music i like well here goes.

I like mostly ballads (slow songs), the sadder the better. I'm a sucker for the power ballads.

Whitney Housten - I Will Always Love You
Mariah Carey - Without You, Hero, We Belong Together
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
Spice Girls - Goodbye
Roxette - It Must've Been Love
Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart
the list is endless...

"I Will Always Love You" for example. I just love that song as it reminds me of my first love. Ok so it was only a one and a half month relationship but that's the time that we were "lovers". I'd known him for a year and a few months (roughly). The song has such a good meaning behind it, it makes me cry actually, i listened to it non-stop after we split up. It means obviously that you'll always love that person, but its saying that no matter who else comes along, you'll always love that person. I can relate, your first love especially never goes away and he will always be a part of me. Despite all the pain he put me through. More on him in later posts...

I'm not entirely emo though. I love dance/trance/house music when i'm out, i like mild rock sort of stuff, most pop music and some classic songs.

I'm a huge, Pink fan. I think she's awesome. She hasn't really had a bad track and it would be a dream come true to see her in concert which i hope to do one day.

So there you have it, you know my taste in music.

I Take it Back

In a previous post a put that i thought i like girls too...i've changed my mind.

I think i was just in a weird place. I did something i never thought i'd do and try to be and make myself believe that i'm something i'm not. I think sub-consciously i was trying to fit in with a crowd of straight lads (you know who you are), who's lives i will never be a part of and i will never rank high enough to be. At the end of the day i'm just the "gay guy at college", nothing more. Once i leave college they forget i exist. That's becoming blatantly obvious...

I suppose i twisted the truth a little (which i know, is wrong), just because i wasn't having much luck with the guys. Twisting the truth? Well that's slightly inaccurate, i did wonder what it would be like to be "normal" and be with a girl, but i'll always be different and i don't think that its a bad thing. The guys i mix with either just want to sleep with me and that's all (which is great),or they are straight. What a dilemma! I'm never lucky in love. I always get with the guys who treat me like sh** (not anymore) or i spend my days being miserable that the guys i fancy are straight.

It's funny you know, sometimes you know something is true but it takes you ages to admit it to yourself. I'm beginning to work out who my real friends are though and i'm disappointed to find that they aren't the ones i first thought.

So i take it back...

I'm not bi, i'm gay. End of.

Alan Carr Obsession Volume 3

Readers and friends will be happy to know that i'm no longer going to be quoting Alan Carr.

Over the past month or so there have been so many good laughs because of that guy but all good things must come to an end. One thing that not just you but Alan Carr can take from this...tragedy, is that whenever i see my next door but ten neighbour Karen, coming back from the shop with her two dozen cans of Skol. I will always think of Alan Carr's stand-up comedy at the Toothfairy and how much it has made me laugh... and cry laughing.

Thank you and goodnight.

X

Split my Jeans

Saturday i was on the bus yeah and i was, you know listening to my MP3 player minding my own business, sat on the back seat (as you do), rang the bell to get off the bus and guess what happened!

Yep that's right people, my jeans split, right up the arse crack.

What the f*** are you supposed to do when that happens?!

I could of died...the worst part of the story is the bus was packed, and the ripping, it wasn't silent either. You could hear the material ripping. It was like one of them ice breakers, or something... So anyway its a good job i was wearing a hoodie, i slipped it off and tied it round my waist in a flash. I had to go all round town like that! Blistering gales... people are looking at me because i'm there with my hoodie tied round my waist, waltzing through Wakey like its summer. I felt like the tarts you see up town with hardly any clothes on. I considered saying to them "Don't you just love this icy fresh air?" But me being sooo tolerant, i didn't say a thing. I was nearly the colour of a smurf, i was that cold. At one point i felt like saying to hell with it and just putting my top back on, arse crack out and everything. Well it wasn't litterally out, i had pants on, not boxers, but pants, hey don't judge me... it was laundry day.

This isn't the first time its happened either. It happened once when i was in the park, on the swing, them tire swings are deadly i tell you. One minute your fine the next minute you're not.

Ah isn't life just filled with embarrassing little accidents.